Subject: how to stop being shy
Location: Orlando, Florida
Invitation: Are you against winning? No? Ok, if you are a winner and want to be surrounded by more winners, join our private (free) telegram group. Click here to join.
What you will get out of this article: 11 strategies that you can use immediately in order to get over being shy.
1. Never Say This From Now
From now on, never say any variation of the following:
- “I’m just a shy person”
- “I’ve always been this way”
- “I can’t do that I’m shy”.
The easiest way to change is through your self-image and identity. James Clear wrote a great article about identity level change here.
If you believe you are the type of person that is shy, thn you will behave in a shy manner.
If you believe you are the person that is confident in social environments, then you will be.
Remember this for the rest of your life.
A lion always does lion shit.
A deer always does deer shit.
An apple tree always has apple on it.
An orange tree always has oranges fall from it.
If you have a shy identity you will be shy out in the world. If you have a confident identity you will be confident out in the world.
2. Distinction between shyness and introversion
Here is a quote explaining what introversion is from Personality Hacker genius founder Antonia Dodge:
“Introverts, the inner world is the ‘real world’. For Extraverts, the external world is the ‘real world’. This is why Introverts will pause slightly before they speak, as if they’re making sure their words first resonant internally before they put it out ‘to the world’. Extraverts are the opposite — they’ll often speak while they’re thinking, as if hearing it outside of themselves helps them determine the value or truth of their own statement.”
Now, here is the definition of being shy: “being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.”
They are not the same thing, and just because you are introverted does NOT mean you are shy.
3. Feeling shy vs. Being shy
It’s nothing to self-shame about. Sometimes you don’t want to talk to people and that’s okay as long as you are okay with it.
Feeling shy is perfectly okay. Being a shy PERSON is not.
Shyness is just a signal to yourself that you are not fully comfortable in the environment right now.
We can see this mistake in other areas of our life.
You act badly and you think you are a bad person.
You make a mistake and you think you are the mistake.
No. You made a mistake. You acted badly. You are not either.
Do not identify with one moment of behavior.
It's okay to feel shy but that doesn't mean you are a shy person.
4. Feel comfortable
If you notice yourself feeling ‘shy’, then make a conscious shift in your body language:
- Open your body, chest, legs and arms
- Relax your jaw (put your tongue at the top of your mouth to do this)
- Relaxed body, relaxed mind. Relaxed mind, relaxed body.
- Breathe through your belly and exhale while mouthing ‘let go’
- Change the picture in your head (imagine everyone as little kids on a playground)
- Choose empowering self-talk and say it with intensity
- Label it. “I’m noticing I feel shy right now” allows you to separate from this energy and the ability to do something about it.
5. Distinction between Quiet and Shy
One thing I constantly see in introverts and people that enjoy silence, is that they put themselves down for being quiet.
Choosing to be quiet but knowing that you have the confidence to do whatever you want to is a major difference.
Banish ALL self-criticism regarding your choice to be quiet. If you want to be silent, be silent and love every moment of it.
“You are the master of your unspoken words, but a slave to the words you have spoken.”
— Winston Churchill
6. The root of shyness
You feel shy because of the fear of exposing yourself. The fear of judgment from others.
The only way to get over it is to put yourself in situations where you will be judged.
- Go to a busy street and ask for hugs.
- Fall down in front of a group of people.
- Stutter on purpose.
- Make yourself look stupid.
Whatever your fear is, create comfort zone challenges and eliminate it.
Find an accountability partner. Do this together.
7. Become better at communicating
If you were an expert in swimming and you saw a pool, there would be no fear about diving in. Same with social skills.
You must work consistently on having the best social skills in this entire universe.
Here are some ways to become a better socializer:
- It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. “Hey, Jim I hate you.” vs. “Hey, Jim! I hateeeee you :)”
- Statements over questions. “Hey, how was your day?” vs. “Hey! tell me about your day.”
- To make a point, put a story around it. Instead of telling someone something, find a story that you can place idea inside of. It’s 100x more persuasive.
- A lot of socializing is momentum. Talk to more people. Say hello. Ask for directions. Get the flow going.
- Speak without talking. Use your eyes. Hand gestures. Point to their bracelet and scrunch your eyes instead of saying “what is that?”.
- Stand side by side/diagonal with someone. Full body to full body is a lot of pressure. Most people can’t handle it.
- Pause. If you want to make sure someone is paying attention….pause for a moment.
- Never be an interviewer. “Hey, how was your day? What did you do after that? What did you eat? Did you drink also? How many times did you go to the bathroom?”.
- Don’t be afraid to touch others. A brief shoulder pat or elbow touch does a lot to build familiarity and is not even registered if done correctly.
- Let your curiosity lead you. What are you curious about this person in front of you? What they are wearing? what they just said? Let that lead you in conversation. It’s genuine and will be reciprocated.
The more confidence you have in your ability to talk to people the less shy you will feel.
8. New beliefs
Mindset is everything.
If you think you are likeable then people will like you.
If you see people as being friendly and welcoming, that will be your reality.
The way to install this into your brain is simple.
Every time you talk to someone new and it goes well, take 30 seconds to re-affirm the belief .
Beliefs need proof. Every time someone was nice to you is just further proof for your case.
“People ARE awesome. People ARE friendly, mind, didn’t you see what just happened? People are so friendly.” Is the self-talk you want to immerse into.
If you are doing this while listening to a powerful subliminal audio, you will quickly become an expert communicator.
9. You are value and you are growing in value
You are value now because you are a human being.
That by itself is enough. You are enough. There is nothing you have to do in order to be more enough.
You are 10000000% enough in this exact moment.
You understand this and consistently build your own value at the same time. You workout, develop social skills, and focus on contributing and making an impact.
10. Focus your attention outward
Shy people constantly focus all their attention on themselves. It’s very selfish and it propels you further and further down the hole of self-consciousness.
Keep all your attention on the person in front of you. Focus intently on their facial expressions and features. Focus on the appreciation you have for this person in front of you.
You choose what you focus on. Choose to focus on something outside of yourself and you will quickly fizzle all shyness from your system.
11. Mental movies and rehearsals
Take time to visualize you interacting with other people. How your ideal self would communicate with others. Visualize people enjoying your company, liking you as a person and being friendly.
This is your new mental movie, keep this image fresh in your mind everyday.
The next step is to practice (rehearse) the events. Find a quiet place in your room or with friends and act like that person you visualized.
It might sound weird but talk to the mirror as if you were your ideal self.
That charismatic, confident person that’s already inside of you.
This is a sure-fire way to becoming a more confident communicator.
If you enjoyed reading this article, write a comment and share this.
PS. Also - if you are ready (truly) to upgrade your life and are looking for a lil boost. I highly recommend listening to subliminal audio.
Tony Robbins, Tiger Woods and many others say that subliminal audio played a huge role in their growth and development.
Click here to learn more.